Sara Murphy's Law
by Luigi4Life
Summary: Just like "Grojband Alternative" and "Sidekick Alternative" this is a alternative fan fiction for Milo Murphy's law called "Sara Murphy's Law". And, I do not own Milo Murphy's Law.
1. Intro

**Now I know what you guys are thinking, Luigi4life this is your 3rd alternative fanfiction, and you have not continued "Grojband Alternative" and "Sidekick Alternative" but I will continue it.**

Milo Murphy will be at least 16, wearing a white shirt with green sleeves with time ape on it, brown pants, and blue shoes. A giant fan of Doctor Zone.

Sara Murphy will be 13-14 years old, wearing a blue and purple sweater vest, black slip-on, beige shorts, and a backpack with everything in it. Has a can-do attitude, and never give up

Melissa Chase will be 13 years old, wearing glasses, a gray shirt with thin white plaid lines and white cuffs that end at her elbows. A pair of dark gray jeans with visible seams and lighter colored cuffs and her sneakers are a dark gray, with lighter colored soles and laces. She'll have a negative attitude towards nearly everything, but it's especially evident anytime she's around Sara.

Bradley Nicholson will be 13 years old, wearing a white, elbow-length jacket with an upturned collar over a black shirt. A pair of red pants and shoes. He'll be confident and self-assured.

Zack Underwood will be 14 years old, wearing a dark red jacket over a white shirt, dark blue jeans with a black belt holding it up, and black shoes. He'll be obsessed with order and perfection.

Amanda Lopez will be 14 years old, wearing a pink and purple shirt with a white long sleeve, blue jeans, and cherry shoes. She'll be the new kid in town and the voice of reason when things get out of hand.

Mort Schaeffer and Joni roles will be swap, and still, be wearing what they usually wear.

Ms. Murawski will be the principal of the school, but will still be wearing what she usually wears.

Elizabeth Milder will be the teacher in Sara's class, wearing what she usually wears.

Kyle Drako will be the leader of the Bureau of Time Travel or B.O.T.T for short, wearing a futuristic black shirt with matching boots, both of which have red accents, and grey pants. He'll have a consistently rude and condescending attitude, constantly belittling the people around him with little regard for their efforts.

Mr. Block will be a teacher at Sara's school, who everybody thinks is a vampire. He'll wear an open black jacket over an orange henley shirt with a pair of light grey pants and brown loafers with grey soles. Occasionally, he will wear a long black cloak with a large, upturned red collar. When outside, he will wear a closed black trench coat that reaches past his knees alongside a dull green 'umbrella hat'. And his first name will be Drake since it's never announced in the show.

Scott will be a crossing guard who hates Sara. He'll wear a pair of dark sunglasses, a yellow safety vest with reflective stripes and orange highlights over a very light blue short sleeve button up shirt. His pants are black jeans with visible seams and he wears a pair of dark gray sneakers with lighter gray soles and laces.

Elliot Decker will be an under-grounder who likes Sara and helps out sometimes. He'll wear an unusual outfit made up of layers of completely unrelated materials, with the main part of his outfit being dark-colored work overalls. On top of this, he wears a long brown piece of fabric like a vest with the front open, revealing mesh netting across his chest. The final layer of his outfit consists of a large, brown, cloak-like sheet of fabric wrapped around his shoulders, thick brown gloves and a yellow hard hat alongside a pair of brown boots with lighter laces. His right boot is torn at the front, exposing his toes.

Neal will be a Pizza Squire, who used to babysit Sara. He'll wear a dark green gladiator suit with gold lacing over a white short-sleeved shirt, grey socks under boots, and a silver helmet with a white feather on top.

Veronica will be the crush of Milo. She'll wear a purple shirt, blue jeans, and white shoes.

Cavendish will be a first class time traveler with his partner Dakota. He'll wear a tuxedo with black shoes and black pants.

Brick will be a time traveler who'll try to protect the pistachios but keeps failing with his partner Savannah. He'll wear an olive green three-piece suit with coat-tails that go down to his knees. His brown vest features four gold colored buttons and the chain of his pocket-watch, and beneath this, he wears a white dress shirt with a pink tie. He wears a small, matching green top hat with goggles, a pair of square, frameless glasses, and a pair of black and white dress shoes.

Dakota will a first class time traveler with his partner Cavendish. He'll wear a tuxedo with black shoes, black pants, and regular sunglasses.

Savannah will be a time traveler who'll try to protect the pistachios but keeps failing with her partner Brick. She'll wear a pink and purple jumpsuit with blue gogo boots, and a pair of green and white shades with tinted lenses.

Chad Van Coff and Lydia roles will be swap and still be wearing what they usually wear.


	2. Going the Extra Sara

(Scene opens up when Sara is walking to the bus stop, where Amanda, Melissa, Lydia and Logan stand. As Sara walks in, Melissa and the two students stay away from her, much to Amanda's confusion)

Amanda: What's that all about?

Sara: Oh, you're new here. I've got a bit of reputation.

(Amanda shows surprise, and then smiles jokingly)

Amanda: So what are you, a tough girl?

Sara: Oh, I don't think anyone ever called me "tough". I'm Sara.

Amanda: (Shakes Sara's hand) I'm Amanda.

(A dramatic sound plays)

Lydia: No Amanda! No, no, no, no, no...

(Ignoring their warnings, Amanda continues talking with Sara)

Amanda: So what exactly is this reputation?

Sara: Well, people have used the "J-word" but you know what they say, "Sticks and stones can damage your vital organs so always wear body armor." (Knocks on her chest, which emits a wood-like noise)

(Hearing this, Amanda shows some concern)

(Bradley comes in)

Bradley: Hi, Sara.

Sara: Hi, Bradley.

(Bradley looks around himself to see if there is anything dangerous)

Bradley: I'm just gonna stand back here. (Takes a big step back from Sara)

Sara: Good call!

(Scene zooms out with everyone staying away from Sara except Amanda)

Bradley: So Sara, how was your weekend?

Sara: Eventful!

Bradley: Yeah, I bet.

Sara: I got a new scar, wanna see?

Bradley: Sure!

Sara: Ok.

(Sara takes a picture of her scar on her phone, and sends it to Bradley)

Bradley: Oh cool! That's a good one.

Sara: I know, right?

(Amanda begins to worry)

Amanda: Alright, seriously, girl. What's going on here?

Sara: What do you mean?

Amanda: I mean... what is all of... this? And what is the "J-word"?

Sara: (Quietly tells Amanda) Well, I don't like to say it out loud...

(A sound can be heard and a bungee suddenly falls out from somewhere)

Amanda: (Picks it up) Huh, it's one of those heavy duty bungees they use to tie stuff down at construction sites. (Sara wears a helmet) Hey, where did you get the...

(A concrete drainage pipe coming after them. Sara puts a helmet on Amanda's head, and both of them run with Amanda screaming)

(There are only Bradley, Melissa and the two students in the bus stop left)

Melissa: I bet my pudding pack we don't see them again today.

Bradley: I'll take that action.

Melissa: Really?

Bradley: Yeah, are you kidding? Sara's tough. As a matter of fact, (takes out a pack of snickerdoodle) I'll see your pudding pack and raise you a snickerdoodle or are you just all talk?

Lydia: Woah.

Logan: Tch. He just called you out.

(Cut to Sara and Amanda are being chased by the concrete pipe)

(Amanda's screaming)

Amanda: Wait, why aren't you screaming?

Sara: I find it doesn't help. Just hurts the larynx. Now hand me that bungee, and you better hang on to my backpack.

Amanda: (Screaming) Oka...aaawoowo!

(They swing on a street light, but the bungee breaks, the two fall and end up running on the pipe)

Sara: That bungee was definitely defective.]

(Diogee follows them and barks)

Sara: No, Diogee! Go home! Silly dog. (To Amanda) He's not supposed to be in the street.

(Amanda's screaming when they fall down a hill. The pipe stops running, make them fall into mud)

Sara: (Watching upwards) You might wanna slide over this way a little bit.

(The pipe falls onto them, shoots them up and they hang onto it)

Amanda: The "J-word" wouldn't happen to be "Jinx", would it?

(Back at the bus stop Melissa and Bradley take a seat)

Melissa: So Bradley, what's up with your girl? I can almost taste that snickerdoodle now.

Bradley: Oh, yeah? Now you want to make it more interesting?

Nick: What are you guys are talking about?

Lydia: Bradley's betting that Sara's gonna make it to school and on time.

Nick: I'm in! What's happen so far?

Melissa: Concrete drainage pipe chased him down a hill.

Joni: I got some vegan cheese sticks that say we don't see them 'til after lunch.

Zack: I got gummy licorice.

Bradley: Alright, alright. Let me get my notepad.

(Cut to the bus stop where Sara and Amanda miss the bus)

Amanda: No, no, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! (Stop running) Oh, man. I'm gonna miss my first day at the new school. My parents are gonna flip out!

Sara: Don't worry! My dad always says, "What doesn't kill ya only makes ya late for school." So I don't think we're gonna miss the whole day.

(Diogee follows them and barks, again)

Sara: No! Diogee, run home! I'm going to school. (Diogee goes away) Plus, if we catch the bus at the next stop, we may not even be late. (Takes out her phone) I got the bus route marked on my GP... S. It must have gotten wet when we fell in the mud but... fear not! (Takes out a paper map) I've got a backup right here. Paper map! Old school. (The map is taken by an eagle) Huh? Heh. Don't worry! I remember the way. This has happened before!

Amanda: This has happened before? This exact thing?!

(They begin running)

Sara: We'll beat them to the next stop. We'll just have to go through the rock quarry.

Amanda: Rock quarry? Sure. What could possibly go wrong? (Cut to the oil spill rock quarry. An employee is preventing them go across)

Employee: Sorry, girls. There's a little oil spill, as you can see. It's quite a mess so nobody's getting through today.

Sara: I think we can still make it across. I brought galoshes.

Amanda: I didn't.

Sara: I've got an extra pair. And they're hazmat rated for a level 4 biohazard.

Employee: Well, I don't think...

Sara: Here's a certificate from the EPA. (To Amanda) What are you? Nine? Nine and a half?

Employee: Well, it's notarized so I suppose if you...

(The eagle appears again, holding the paper map until it is set on fire by electricity. It drops the map to the oil spill. The whole oil spill suddenly get fire and blows up the way)

Sara: Maybe we should go through the woods. (Cut to the bus where the students are looking outside to see the fire. Bradley sees Sara and Amanda go to the woods)

Bradley: Look! They're safe! They're cutting through Coyote Woods.

Joni: Coyote Woods? What exactly is your definition of safe?

Bradley: Go, Sara!

(Cut to the woods where Sara and Amanda are running)

Amanda: So do you even know where we are?

Sara: Yeah, the fire's dried out my phone. We are right in the middle of Coyote Woods.

Amanda: Wait, Coyote Woods? I've got a thing about coyotes. They're like big dogs that are dangerous to pet!

Sara: Oh, don't worry. There's no coyote here.

Amanda: There aren't?

Sara: No. Actually, the woods were named after actor Peter Coyote.

Amanda: Really?

Sara: Yeah! He donated all this land to the city... as a wolf preserve.

(Wolf howl sound)

Amanda: You get how that's not better, right?

(Cut to Amanda and Sara are being chased by the wolves)

(Amanda's screaming)

Sara: Don't worry! Wolves love peanut butter. (Sara throws a PB&J sandwich to the wolves, but one of them throws it back on Amanda's back, who screams louder. Sara takes a branch and takes off the sandwich in the back.) Follow me (They climb up to the tree to escape the wolves)

Sara: You know, wolves barely ever attack humans.

Amanda: Is that true?

Sara: Oh, yeah. Bees are responsible for many more fatalities than wolves every year.

(They look up and see a beehive right next to them. They try to crawl through the tree, and it starts to flex)

Sara: (Sees that they are outside the fence) Hey, we're out of the woods!

Amanda: (with the beehive close to her face) What do you mean?!

Sara: We're outside the fence. Just jump!

(They jump down the tree, which shoots the beehive to the sky. Then it appears to fall onto Amanda and Sara, who duck, preparing for that, but it falls in the woods side of the fence)

Sara: Wow! That was incredibly lucky! The way the day's been going I was pretty sure it was going to come here and...

(Suddenly, something crashes into the fence several times, when the fence finally breaks it's revealed that the beehive fell onto a wolf and made it angry. Sara and Amanda at first are confused by the scene, but when the wolf starts to chase them, they run away. Upon seeing this, Joni and Melissa are surprised)

Melissa: Are you guys seeing this?

Joni: Yeah! Why is that wolf wearing a turban?

Bradley: Double or nothing? Who's in? (Cut to Amanda and Sara who are being chased by the wolf with the beehive on its head)

Amanda: How many fatalities are blamed on wolves and bees together?

Sara: (Cheerfully smiling) Well, we would be the first.

(They fall into a sewer, the wolf is heard howling away)

Sara: Here you go! (Gives Amanda a light) These will help us navigate in the dark.

Amanda: Girl, if and when we get outta' here, I'm gonna have to go my own way. No offense. I just can't handle all of this.

Sara: All of what?

(A raccoon pauses their conversation, Sara ducks to avoid it.)

Amanda: This cyclone of calamity that follows you everywhere you go. How do you live like this?!

Sara: How do you live like that?!

Amanda: What do you mean?

Sara: (Stops walking to face Amanda) I mean, you want to live like those other kids? They took a bus to school today. A BUS! Does that seem like more fun to you?

Amanda: (Thinks for a while, then happily agree) Uhm. Alright. Where to next?

Sara: Well, there's a loose grate up over here to the left. I've been here before.

Amanda: Of course you have. (Sara and Amanda go out the sewers and walk on a construction site)

Foreman: Alright, I guess we turn the water back on. (A worker obeys pulling a valve. Meanwhile, another worker arrives to talk to the foreman.)

Worker: You know we're missing one of those heavy duty bungees that we tie stuff down with. (Cut to the pipe which is missing a part) And also a section of that concrete drainage pipe.

(Water blows up from that pipe. Amanda turns to see this and falls into a wheelbarrow. Sara then pushes her to escape the water following them. They run on a crane, which breaks and let them fall on a flowing truck)

Worker: Hey, Sara! Is that a new scar?

Sara: Yeah! Thanks for noticing. (In the bus, Bradley lists the things that students have bet.)

Bradley: Okay, Chelsea's in for a pack of chips. Sid's up to two pudding packs. I like that confidence, Sid, but you're going down. Joni's down for cheese sticks and an apple, and Melissa is the big spender with a whole vacuum-sealed lunch pack, which I can cover, but I'll have to bring it tomorrow.

Melissa: (Sees Sara and Amanda are following them) Huh! Look! There they are! Oh, man, they're gonna beat us to school. (After saw them flow to the river) Never mind. There they go.

Bradley: Anyone wanna up the ante?

(All the students raise their hands, and Bradley smirks)

(Meanwhile, in the river)

Amanda: We should get a way to steer this thing to shore.

Sara: We don't need to. Look! The Maple Street Bridge. Here. I'll give you a boost. (Sara lifts Amanda then the wolf attacks them again, but Diogee comes right on time to rescue them. As a result of this, the hive is knocked off of the wolf's head)

Sara: (Petting her dog) Excellent, Diogee! Good boy! (Gives him some dog snack) Here you go. But I do need you to go home, okay? (Diogee swims in the river) Go home! (Swims away) He's not supposed to be in a river.

(The wolf goes to the shore, a car has to avoid it and crashes against a water tower)

Amanda: You know, I don't know if it's the adrenaline talking, but I'm starting to feel like we can handle anything that comes our way.  
(The water tower falls onto the river, make a big wave and flows Zack and Milo to a cliff, where they fall freely)

Amanda: Or maybe not anything.

(They end up in an alien spaceship with two aliens inside, one of them points at Amanda.)

(Cut to the school)

Melissa: Ninety seconds to the bell. There is no way he's making it.

Bradley: Heh. If you're so sure, it's not too late to sweeten the pot.

Melissa: Done. Three jawbreakers and some vitamin C tablets. (He stares at him) What? It's cold and flu season.

(In the spaceship, Sara and Amanda are tied in two alien devices. The aliens are testing some unknown tool)

Sara: You know, they are from out of town. Maybe they don't even realize they're inconveniencing us.

Amanda: (Tries to persuade them, pretend to smile) Uh, guys, guys. Um, I realize you've come a long way. But we really need to get to school.

(Both Sara and Amanda smile nervously, and the aliens turn off their tools)

(In the school, there are only a few seconds to the bell)

Melissa: Well, Bradley, start passing out the loot.

(Sara and Amanda appear from the alien abduction right before the bells ring. The whole class seems to be very surprised)

Sara: Phew! Made it all in one piece. Of course, the wolves got my lunch.

Amanda: Mine got crushed at the bus stop. Guess we're going hungry.

Bradley: Don't worry. I got you two covered.

(Other students put all the food they bet on Sara's desk)

Sara: Oh, look! A vitamin C tablet. (Amanda stares at her.) What? It's cold and flu season.

(Sara eats the vitamin C tablet)

**In case you're wondering how I write these, I take it from the transcripts. And I could really use your help. If you can finish the transcripts for Sidekicks and Grojband it would really help me.**


	3. The Under-Grounders (alternate)

(Scene opens up when Sara and her friends are going to the subway)

Sara: The train to the museum of natural history should be here any...

Zack: 41 seconds.

Sara: 41 seconds from now, apparently. I'm really looking forward to seeing some paleontology, archaeology, all the "-ologys" really.

Bradley: Sara, you are an ology onto yourself. (Seeing that he's forgotten his student discount) Oh! Forgot my student discount. (Zack puts it for him) Thanks, Zack!

Amanda: Bradley, is there ever a time you haven't forgotten something?

Bradley: Yeah, February 30th or 31st, I forget.

Amanda: Neither of those are dates.

Melissa: I'll be giving a tour... for anyone who's not going to be at Sara's show.

Sara: Melissa, I don't have a performance planned.

Melissa: Sure you say that now, but then one geyser comes through the floor and suddenly Sara's the center of attention.

Sara: (stuck at the subway's entrance) Oops! I'm stuck.

Melissa: (while the other students laugh at her) Cue geyser.

Sara: (Sara tries to get out) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Melissa: Interesting tidbit about the museum of natural history; it was formed...

Natalie: Shhh. We're watching Sara in the turnstile. It's like she's on the circus subway.

Sara: Whoooa!

Amanda: Should we wait for the next one?

Bradley: Nah, she's got it, in 3, 2, 1.

(Finally, Sara stumbles out of the turnstile and hand walks into the car with her friends)

Sara: This floor is a lot cleaner than I expected.

(The train starts to move)

Subway announcer: Next stop: The museum of national history.

Amanda: So, this is the subway?

Bradley: You've never been on it? It's dark and dirty and full of weird smells.

Sara: That was their ad campaign last year.

(Bradley and Amanda look at her scarcely)

Bradley: Hey, uh... you girls ever hear about those mole people?

Amanda: (with fear) No!

Sara: The urban legend?

Bradley: A subspecies of human-ish creatures, roaming the tunnels, searching for pray.

Sara: Maybe we'll meet some.

Amanda: Rather meet them above-ground.

Sara: Then they wouldn't be mole people. They'd be...

Bradley: ...people.

(The train starts shaking)

Amanda: Does it usually do this?

Sara: Well, sometimes, when the coupling's loose.

(The coupling is revealed to be loose)

Amanda: (Off-screen) The coupling's loose? What does that even mean?

Sara: I better put on my seatbelt.

Bradley: How is that going to work?

Sara: Easy. You insert the tab into the buckle until you hear it click, like this.

(The train car breaks free from the rest of the train with a bump that sends Amanda and Bradley to the floor)

Bradley: Wow! (It's revealed that Sara has strapped herself to a pole with the seat belt) Oh, I get it now.

Sara: I would have had extras. But you know, the llama incident.

Melissa: And so, that's when the planetarium removed Pluto from the cosmos show.

Joni: Man! Pluto has to be a planet. An astrologer told me it's in my fourth house.

Melissa: Oh nooo. Pluto is...

Zack: The other car came off! Sara's in there.

Melissa: Of course she is.

Joni: So that's what a runaway train car looks like... I'll be honest, I'm a little disappointed.

(The loose coupling changes some points that divert runaway train car down a passage marked "under construction". It soon reaches the surface where construction workers run away screaming as the car comes to a stop)

Amanda: Well at least we're above ground. Heh, heh, heh.

(The ground gives way beneath the car and it falls down more tunnels, finally going off the track and crashing in a dark cave)

Sara: And then to unbuckle it you press down this button.

(Amanda pulls on the doors)

Amanda: Locked. How can these be locked? Does it usually do this?

Bradley: Ugh! The windows don't open either.

Amanda: What is the point of a window that doesn't open?

Sara: It provides work for window washers and glass installation professionals.

Amanda: And the ceiling. Is there usually a ceiling? (Bangs on the roof and begins to breathe deeply)

Bradley: Amanda, are you by chance claustro-

Amanda: Not claustrophobic. Just claustro-avoidant. I avoid enclosed spaces when possible.

Bradley: Probably not possible right now.

Amanda: It's better if I'm distracted.

Sara: Okay, wait.

(Sara taps her shoes to some music)

Amanda: Not helping.

Sara: How about this...?

(Sara and Bradley grab posters of various places in Paris from Sara's backpack and stick them around the train car. Sara then starts playing the concertina while wearing a beret)

Amanda: Now I'm distracted. Have you been carrying that the whole time?

Sara: I try to pack for any eventuality. Now let's see about getting those doors open. Ah, here we go.

(Sara takes a key from her backpack)

Amanda: Okay, next time, a key first, tap dancing later.

(They exit the car)

Bradley: This is amazing.

Sara: Look, a fossil. "Chicken wing. Circa 1993"

Amanda: See! Nothing can live under here. Not even chickens.

Sara: Could be worse.

Amanda: How?

Bradley: Mysterious underground creatures?

Amanda: Well I guess that would be worse.

Bradley: No. Mysterious underground creatures are coming towards us.

Sara: Silver lining, things can live down here.

Foreman: Someone hit the lights.

(The mysterious figures are revealed to be dirty construction workers with various Impromptu construction material made clothing items)

Bradley: Huh. I'll be honest, I'm a little disappointed.

Elliot: Young people from the over land. You shall be our leaders.

Foreman: No, no. We have a leader. It's Dave.

Dave: Sup.

Foreman: It's a democratic hierarchical society.

Sara: Wait a minute, who are you guys?

Elliot: We live below. They call us... "The Belownies"

Foreman: No they don't Elliot. We voted on this. "Belownies" sounds like lunch meat. We're called the Under-grounders.

Elliot: I am the wise healer among my peoples.

Foreman: He's a pipe fitter.

Sara: Where are we?

Elliot: We call our world "Subterranus"...terranus... terranus.

Foreman: ...That one's true. He just wanted it so badly.

Elliot: I wore them down.

Foreman: So, where you kids headed?

Sara: Class trip to the museum. I helped organize it.

Elliot: She shall be our leader.

Amanda: How long have you been down here?

Elliot: Since... 'The before times'.

Foreman: Uh, about a month, actually. We were building an extension on this line, but we got lost so we figured we'd better establish a new civilization.

Sara: Wow. Did you really establish a new civilization in a month?

Foreman: You'd be surprised how much you can get done when you're not constantly setting up and moving orange cones.

Elliot: I shall be the leader!

Foreman: Seriously Elliot.

(They reach where the Under-grounders are living)

Sara: So you've got agriculture, art, rudimentary government…

Bradley: Licorice somehow. You're actually going to eat that?

Amanda: I'm trying to distract myself from the walls moving in on us. I wonder what part of the chicken this is.

Bradley: The rat part.

(Amanda drops the fork and knife)

Sara: Granola bars?

Elliot: *Gasp* She bears the sweet mana of the overland.

Foreman: Oh, no thanks. I just had some... chicken and... Kinda lost my appetite.

(Diogee walks up to Sara)

Sara: Diogee? What are you doing here?

Amanda: Please be rescuing us.

Elliotfloppy-eared eared one shall be our leader.

Foreman: Weren't you allergic to dogs?

Elliot: Ooohh. (Reverts to his normal voice.) Right. You know what? Yeah, yeah. I actually am.

Sara: Wait, Diogee, our leader.

Bradley: We are not starting our own civilization.

Dave: (Flipping burgers on a barbecue made out of a toilet) They taste worse than they smell.

Sara: Diogee always knows the way home. Diogee, go home!

(The Under-grounders cheer as they follow Diogee)

Elliot: I enjoy running.

(Bradley trips and then he and Sara get trapped under falling rubble)

Amanda: No! Bradley. Sara. Are you guys okay?

Bradley: Yeah we're okay, if you call being buried alive okay.

Sara: I see light past this one rock. Maybe if we can move... *grunts* Nope. No, it won't budge. Don't worry. I've got my backpack right...

(A rock crushes Sara's backpack and torch)

Amanda: What was that?

Sara: Hmmmm. Well okay. Maybe you can worry a little bit.

(Cut to the museum of natural history)

Ms. White: Oh dear. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Oh! I could swear we had eighteen kids. Can you read my writing? Is that a five or an eight?

Melissa: Any minute now Sara's going to show up and everyone's going to be like "Oh Sara. Tell us about your adventure." But until then I'm having my best day ever. Joni do you really need more rose quartz?

Joni: If you understood its properties you wouldn't be asking me that.

(Cuts back to Subterranus)

Sara: Okay, here's the plan. Someone crawl through and jimmy out that rock from the front.

Foreman: I don't think any of us can fit.

Amanda: I can fit... I think.

Bradley: But Amanda, you're claustro-avoident. Are you sure you want to do this?

Amanda: No. I'm sure I don't want to do it. But you guys need me.

Foreman: Good luck kid.

Elliot: It was nice knowing you. Hey, that was my flash light.

Foreman: Elliot.

Elliot: But she's going to use up the batteries.

Amanda: Is there another flash light in there?

Sara: My backup got crushed.

Amanda: I can barely see.

Bradley: Not much to see. Just kind of a tiny enclosed suffocating... you know what? Never mind.

Sara: You can do this. Think of how you faced down wolves and survived an alien abduction. And that's just since we've met. I'm sure you did lots of stuff before that.

Amanda: Nope. Never did anything. What if this rock is all that's holding this up?

Sara: Don't worry. I'm sure it'll work.

Amanda: How do you know?

Sara: Because it has so far.

Bradley: Relatively speaking.

Amanda: Okay, on three. One. Two. Three.

Bradley: It's clear!

Sara/Bradley: Yeah!

Sara: See, I told you it would hold. (Rocks collapse and crush the place they were trapped) Well it held long enough.

Bradley: You totally saved us.

Elliot: She shall be our leader.

Sara and Foreman: Yeah. She shall.

Amanda: Thanks guys.

Foreman: I am impressed kid. I would've just let them start a new society in there.

Bradley: Hey where's Diogee?

(The wall collapses to reveal Diogee in a train car)

Everyone: Diogee!

(They drive the train car down the track)

Foreman: You know, we have no idea where these tracks go.

Sara: I'm sure it'll all work out.

Foreman: You're sure...

Amanda: She uses that term loosely.

(They see a point lever currently leading them towards a section of track that abruptly ends over a drop)

Sara: Uh oh. I got this. (Sara grabs the lever but it breaks off) Oh. Or not.

(They fly off the track screaming but land safely on another track)

Melissa: Oh. We survived.

Foreman: Uh oh.

An Under-grounder: Maybe not.

(They all complain as they approach a dead end)

(Cuts to Danville Museum of Natural History)

Ms. White: Yeah, I guess maybe if you squint it could be a five. (The train car smashes through the wall and a dinosaur skeleton falls on Melissa) Nope. It was an eight. Hmhm. Sara, tell us about your adventure.

Melissa: A-a-and we're back.

Sara: What will you guys do now?

Elliot: There is no place in your world for us now.

Foreman: Then you can stay Elliot. Me? I'm going to go check my DVR. I've got a month of The Doctor Zone Files to catch up on.

Sara: Oo, That mean you missed it when the Trashcan-droids...

Foreman: No spoilers.

(Under-grounders bid farewell and leave)

Elliot: I shall return to "Subterranus"...terranus...terranus. And you will be my leader.

Melissa: Oh sorry, I'm trapped in a rib cage right now. Interesting tidbit, stegosaurus ribs are...

Elliot: Never mind. (Runs laughing back into the tunnel)

Melissa: He saw something in me.

Bradley: Whatever he saw he also saw in a dog.

Amanda: "The floppy eared one will be our leader."


	4. Sunny side up (alternate)

**Sorry guys but I couldn't fit a way of "Rooting for the Enemies" because I can't make Amanda a football player, I haven't forgotten about Bradley being the football player, he doesn't fit the situation.**

(Sara and Amanda enters the classroom)

Sara: So I opened the door to the Arboretum, and there they were! And I have no idea where the orangutan came from.

Amanda: Yeah. I mean how far is the nearest zoo?

Sara: And why was he so set on getting my pistachios?

(They take their seats.)

Bradley: It's the mysteries that make life worth living. At least that's what it says in my expensive book of mysteries.

Elizabeth: Alright, class. Today we are starting on a new physics project. This will test everything you've learned about gravity, inertia and weight distribution, all things I utilized in making this… beautiful desk. (A slow jam starts as Elizabeth starts caressing her desk) Solid oak. Took me the better part of twenty-one weeks… weeks of solitude; just… me and… the wood.

(The students look about the room worriedly. Elizabeth continues caressing her desk. The slow jam stops abruptly with a record scratch)

Elizabeth: Uh, if you, if uh if you work hard, someday you, too, may own a special desk. Not this one, though; this one's mine. So, over the weekend you will be building a container, inside of which you will put an egg. (Takes one from out of her hair) Your grade will be based on only one criterion. (Bradley is taking notes frantically) When dropped from the roof of the school, will the egg break? An unbroken egg guarantees the team an A; all the others will be judged on how well they have applied the concepts we've been talking about in class. Now you will all be breaking into teams of three. (Everyone ducks behind their desk except for Sara, Amanda, and Bradley) So I guess you three will be a team then?

(The three look back at the empty class.)

Bradley: Cowards!

Amanda: Any limit on the number of eggs we break while we're building it?

Elizabeth: No.

Amanda: Okay then.

Melissa: You're sure you don't wanna join our team, Bradley? I named it Team Bradley. Not after you, different Bradley. (Joni and Zack peeps up)

Bradley: No, I'm good.

Melissa: Really. You're going to jeopardize those straight A's? You know eggs can be rather fragile.

Bradley: Bring it on. I eat eggs for breakfast.

Melissa: Yeah. So do all of us.

(Amanda sets down two bags of eggs before the front door and rings the door-bell.)

Amanda: Sara!

Sara: Coming.

Amanda: I got eight dozen eggs. That should last us until — (Sara opens the door and smashes one bag against the wall) As I said, I've got four dozen eggs.

Bradley: (off-screen) Amateurs!

(Show that Bradley is towing a cart piled high with eggs behind his bike)

Sara: Wow.

Amanda: That's a lot of eggs.

Bradley: I've got a grade point average to protect.

Amanda: You think that's maybe a little bit overkill?

(Sara's door falls off its hinges and crushes Amanda's remaining bag of eggs. A light then falls on the door)

Bradley: No, I do not think it is overkill.

Amanda: Touché.

Sara: So, shall we get cracking?

Amanda: That's egg-xact...

Bradley: No! No egg puns.

(Sara, Amanda, and Bradley suit up. "Don't Break Me" begins. Sara carries several cartons of eggs and slips)

Sara: Whoa!

Singer: _You best be careful how you handle me._

(Bradley hands an egg to Sara, which promptly hatches a baby bird and flies away.)

Singer:_ I'm not as sturdy as you think._

(They test a contraption, which is a basket hooked on an umbrella; lightning strikes it, and it disintegrates.)

Sara: _You're too in touch with your adrenal gland, you see._

(Diogee barks angrily at a cracked egg)

Singer: _I don't wanna be your weakest link._

(Another of their contraptions flies out of reach)

Singer: _Hey, (Hey!) don't break me. Don't wanna crack in my best side._

(Diogee slurps up an egg that fell onto his nose)

Singer: _Just keep your wild abandon to yourself._

(An egg rolls safely into an area set off with traffic cones. Another of their contraptions smashes it)

Singer: _Hey (Hey!), don't break me. Don't wanna be your lightning rod._

(Another of their contraptions bounces out of control and cracks its egg on Bradley)

Singer: _Like the view just fine here from the shelf._

(Another contraption flings egg at Amanda's face)

Singer:_ So, baby, please don't break me._

(Another contraption, a hot-air balloon, catches fire)

Singer:_ (Hey!) (Hey!)_

(They deposit their egg in a raw chicken. Sara drops it, and it appears to be safe, but it is torn apart by raccoons)

Singer: _Please don't break me (Hey!)_._ Ha! (Hey!)_

(Another egg flies into Amanda's face.)

Singer: _Please don't break me (Hey!)_

(Diogee wallows in cracked eggs.)

Singer: _Mmm._

("Don't Break Me" ends. Sara puts an egg into her pocket)

Amanda: Did you just put an egg in your pocket?

Sara: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah, that's not going to end well.

(They test their latest container, and it starts to calmly hover)

Amanda: Ahh?

(It flies into the air, hits a bird, hits the ground, and explodes.)

Bradley: Okay, girls. We are going to crack this thing. And by that, I mean we are not going to crack this thing. (Points at an egg on their drawing board) We have to build something that can withstand a two-story drop, a wood door, a tree branch, a size eight-and-a-half sneaker, Amanda's butt —

Amanda: Hey!

Bradley: — a raccoon attack — it's all in here. We have to build something that will withstand not only one of these things but all of them simultaneously.

Sara: Well you know what they say: "Whatever breaks our egg, only helps our egg-dropping contraption utilize the forces of gravity, inertia, and weight distribution better."

Bradley: That's the spirit.

Amanda: Who says that?

(Their drawing board collapses, and the egg atop it breaks)

(17:22 hours and 10,132.05 eggs later)

Sara: Okay, team. I give you version eighty-seven point three dash nine.

Amanda: I say we just call it Big Bertha.

Bradley: I'm not naming them anymore. I don't want to get attached. (Dons his helmet and ducks behind a K-rail)

Amanda: Come here, Diogee.

Sara: Here it goes.

(She slides it carefully off the plank in his tree-house. It drops and deploys a parachute)

Amanda: Okay... looking good.

(It lands, its egg unbroken. Amanda walks towards it, but Bradley pulls her back.)

Amanda: Ugh!

Bradley: Wait… (It tips over) Okay. I think.

(Bradley pushes Amanda towards Big Bertha.)

Amanda: Yup!

Sara: Well?

Amanda: The egg is... completely intact! We did it!

Bradley: Woo-hoo!

Sara: I've gotta see this. I'll be right down.

(Sara accidentally kicks a plank of wood out of his tree-house. Amanda grabs Big Bertha and rolls out of the way as the plank crashes to the ground)

Amanda: Whoa, whoa. No. You stay right there, Sara. We still have to get this to class in one piece. I'll guard Big Bertha for the night, and Bradley, you take home all the extra eggs.

Bradley: What extras? That was our last one.

Amanda: Really? Well, here, then. (Hands him the egg) Triple-cooler it. And we better get out of here before anything else hap —

(Martin rides in on his bike, out of control.)

Martin: Whoop, whoop, whoop. Look out. No brakes. Woah! (He crashes and flies over the hedge, landing in a car.)

Bradley: Hi, Mr. Murphy. We gotta go. Bye. (He and Amanda leave.)

Sara: See ya tomorrow, team.

Martin: Sara, be a dear and get your dad his crutches.

(Cuts to Amanda's house; Amanda wakes up)

Amanda: Aaahhhh. Okay, Big Bertha. Time to get you to schoo... (A shelf has fallen on Big Bertha. She gasps, aghast.) Noooooooooo!

(Amanda wakes up for real)

Amanda: (gasps, sees Big Bertha intact) Just a dream.

(Cuts to Bradley's house; Bradley wakes up)

Bradley: Alright. Time to rise and — (The egg was crushed by a tree branch. Bradley gasps) Nooooooooooo!

(Bradley wakes up for real)

Bradley: (gasps, sees his coolers intact) Oh, it's just a dream.

(Sara wakes up to see everything normal)

Sara: Well. That is peculiar.

(Sara wakes up for real and sees a tree crashed through her window)

Sara: Yeah. That's more like it.

(Cuts to Amanda at school with Big Bertha)

Amanda: Bradley, over here.

Bradley: How's Big Bertha doing?

Amanda: Good so far. How's the egg?

Bradley: A-OK.

Amanda: Let's just get this thing to the classroom. Three o'clock! (They dodge a leaky water-fountain. A nearby student slips) Ten o'clock! (They dodge a student sneezing on them) Actual clock! (They dodge an actual clock falling off the wall) She's already here, isn't she?

Bradley: How'd you guess?

Sara: Hi, guys.

(Amanda and Bradley set up)

Bradley: Sara, I need to take the egg out. Do you mind?

Sara: No problem. I'll stand in the corner. (Goes to the corner) I'm helping by not helping.

Bradley: (Having removed it from the coolers) Pilot egg is ready for drop-off.

Sara: Woo-hoo! Oops! (Sara accidentally pulls over a skeleton, knocking a giant brain across the classroom) Heads up.

(The brain sends the class scattering and just catches the egg in Bradley's hand, knocking it to the ground and breaking it)

Bradley: No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooooo! That was our last one. Now we can't even compete!

Sara: I am so sorry Bradley. (Puts her hands in her pockets) I don't know what to say. Oh, wait a second. I forgot this one.

(Sara produces the egg she put into her pocket)

Elizabeth: Okay, class, take your projects up to the roof while I monitor the "drop zone," (laughs and snorts) and send one of your team members down with me for cleanup.

Bradley: I'll be on the ground crew. Good luck, guys. And FYI, a tremendous portion of my self-esteem is wrapped up in my grade point average, but, you know, no pressure.

Elizabeth: You know, I made that pencil you're holding

(Bradley glances at the pencil and edges out of the room)

(On top of the roof Sara, Amanda, and others enter and go to the edge)

Sara: I think this is taller than my tree-house.

Amanda: Look, with all our trials and errors, this baby can now handle anything.

Elizabeth: Team one, you're up.

Amanda: OK. Let's go down the checklist one more time.

(Team one drops their contraption and destroys their egg.)

Elizabeth: You need to take into account acceleration speed.

Sara: Parachute?

Amanda: Check, with one-point-five second deploy speed.

Sara: Shock absorbers?

(Another team drop their contraption and destroy their egg.)

Amanda: Check. Compressed air plungers braced by interior bendy straws.

Elizabeth: I cannot emphasize weight distribution enough. Think of my desk. I know I am.

Sara: Roll cage?

Amanda: Check. Vacuum hose with closed foam cord.

Elizabeth: And we have our first successful — (takes up another team's contraption to find its egg destroyed) oh, uh, yeah, no. Get the mop over here.

Melissa: We'll show you how it's done. (Drops her contraption)

Elizabeth: Oh. Very nice. Just a hairline fracture. Melissa's team is the one to beat.

Melissa: Yeah! (Pointing around to punctuate her words) In your face, other people. (She is pointing at Joni)

Joni: I'm on your team.

Sara: I hope it works. I don't want to let Bradley down.

Amanda: Come on. How much can happen between here and the ground?

Elizabeth: Sara, Amanda, Bradley, you are the last ones to go.

(Sara and Amanda move into position)

Bradley: Come on. Hold together.

(Bystanders step back. Zack and another student duck down behind a table, pushing down a third.)

Amanda: Okay. One. Two.

Amanda/Sara: Three!

(Big Bertha deploys its parachute.)

Bradley: Yes, yes, yes.

(A delivery truck hits Big Bertha before it reaches the ground, sending it flying.)

Delivery Guy: Hey, is this the cafeteria service entrance?

Bradley: No, no, no!

Sara: (Looking through binoculars) Uh-oh. Kickball game!

Amanda: Check, she can handle that.

(A kickball player kicks it into a football field)

Sara: Football scrimmage.

Amanda: Uh… check, theoretically.

(Football players dog-pile Big Bertha. Some late-comers squeeze it out, sending it flying again. It lands into a polar bear's zone, whose inhabitant roars)

Sara: Polar bear water tank?

Amanda: What! Give me those. (Snatches the binoculars from Sara) So that's where the zoo is.

(Sara, looking through a spyglass, sees the polar bear tackle Big Bertha; it flies clear of the tank and lands on a road)

Sara: Freeway!

(An approaching car stops suddenly and causes a wreck, which sends Big Bertha flying again, bouncing among automobiles until it flies among wind turbines.)

Amanda: Uh… check.

Sara: Wind turbines?

Amanda: Uh, check?

(It bounces among them and lodges in a news helicopter.)

Sara: News copter.

Amanda: Come on!

Bradley: Aw, come on!

(Diogee comes on and barks.)

Bradley: Not you, Diogee.

(Big Bertha drops from the helicopter. Everyone watches in suspense.)

Delivery Guy: Seriously, can someone help me out? I've gotta deliver all these eggs.

(Big Bertha crashes into the delivery truck, destroying it, and there is a great mushroom cloud of eggs. A single yolk lands near the polar bear, which calls. Sara and Amanda, their upper halves completely encased in the yolk, exit the school. Show that the egg survived in the yolk-covered wreckage of the truck. Diogee, atop it, barks.)

Elizabeth: (Takes up the egg) We have a winner! Team Sara gets an A. (Writes an A on the egg and hands it to Sara) You three did it. I'm so proud of you.

Sara: Now that's a grade-A egg. (Diogee jumps up and eats it) Well, I guess the yolk's on...

Bradley: I said no egg puns!


	5. The Doctor Zone Files (alternate)

(Sara, Milo, Bradley, and Amanda watch an episode of The Doctor Zone Files on TV)

TV:_ It's time for danger, time for action, time for Doctor Zone! Chronological time is just an abstraction. When you're with Doctor Zone! He's got one foot in the future, and one foot in the past. He's got on hand in the present, or at least in a gift shaped cast. He's Doctor Zone! It's time for Doctor Zone! _

(The Heart of the Moon 3,679. The Inner Sanctum of the Trashcan-droids)

Dr. Zone: All my worrying just wasted time! Let's get it back. Quick, to the Time Beehicle. (Doctor Zone and Time Ape make it to the Time Beehicle and get in. Time Ape closes the door on a photo he's carrying and rips it, leaving half of it outside) I've got to hit that button. If only I had fingers on my right hand. Ugh! Uah! Dah! Ugk! Ugk! Dah! Ugk! Ugk! Uah! Dah! Ugk! The present is preventing me from getting to the future. They're closing in. Time Ape, do something.

Time Ape: The time is now 1:54 pm.

Dr. Zone: No, you silly simian. Time is relative. The Trashcan-droids! No! Ugh! Time Ape, press the button. (The Time Beehicle's stinger unleashes a blast that disables the Trashcan-droids and the Time Beehicle takes off) Righty crikey and tally ho. Time waits for no man... Except for me!

(The Time Beehicle disappears but a Trashcan-droid reaches out and grabs the half a picture Time Ape dropped. It is revealed to show a baby Time Ape. The episode ends with THE END and a question mark)

TV: _It's time for Doctor Zone!_

Milo: So. After your first Dr. Zone Files marathon, are you excited about the movie?

Bradley: Exited, and confused. I'm ex-fused!

Amanda: And I'm con-cited?

Sara: I know it's a lot of information to assimilate, but it's worth it. And Milo got us tickets for today's show.

Milo: I'll just hold on to these little sister, to prevent them from getting, you know, irradiated into particulates matter or something.

Sara: Good idea.

Amanda: My hand is asleep. How I envy it.

(Cuts to them dressed and in the drive-way)

Bradley: The movie's not starting for hours, right?

Milo: Yeah, but there's going to be a line already.

Sara: It's got fifty years of fans.

Amanda: Wait, fifty years! I thought we saw it all last night.

Sara: No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. (Continue the rest in the car) No, no. No, no. No, no. No... No.

Milo: That was just the latest incarnation. Dr. Zone Files: the next regeneration.

Sara: First there was The Zone, then Dr. Zone, Professor Zone, and Adjunct Faculty Member Zone, That only lasted a semester. And finally, The Dr. Zone Files that you know as of three o'clock this morning.

Milo: We just wanted to make sure you're prepared. Dr. Zone fans can be kind of elitist.

(Cuts to the Line to the Doctor Zone Files Movie Files)

Elite #1: More tea?

Elite #2: Yes. Oh dear, what are those people wearing?

Josh: I'm just saying that if you can't actually speak the Trashcan-droid's binary language then you have no place in this line.

Dr. Zone Fan 1: Oh, don't be such an elitist Josh.

Milo: Today is going to be my favorite day ever. ...Unless something goes wrong.

Amanda: Well we made it to the theatre. What could possibly go wrong?

(Milo has a flashback of a train driving over his birthday cake in the backyard. Then of a moment playing mini golf with Sara, where the blades of a model windmill flew off and decapitated a few other models. He then remembers eating ice cream with Sara when a cement truck skids by uncontrollably. The truck passes uneventfully but his ice cream then falls off his cone)

Milo: Well I have been Sara's sister since she was born.

Amanda: Oh, right.

Milo: Which is why we're going in prepared. Nothing is going to ruin this day for me. Exclamation point.

Bradley: He really puts a lot of faith in punctuation.

(Milo checks the surroundings)

Milo: Clear. No sign of any horrible mishap on the horizon.

Sara: Name the alien monster who eat your brain and absorbs your knowledge.

Bradley: Pass.

Amanda: Pass.

Milo: Cere-broids. Come on, give me a tough one.

(A breeze passes and blows the tickets out of Milo's pocket)

Milo: The tickets! (He lunges after them and grabs them all before they fall into a drain) Oof. Oh, these are never leaving my hand. Now, who knows how to fuse flesh and paper?

Bradley: Pass.

Milo: I'm going to go check in with the local weather service about any more freak breezes. Time for danger!  
Sara: Time for action! Time for... Diogee? Aw, sorry, you can't come in with us. But I did get you a ticket for the Pet Theatre next door. They're playing The Dog Door Bone Files.

(Diogee goes into the Pet Theatre and finds a basket from which he can watch The Dog Dorr Bone Files, until a dog sits in front of him, blocking his view)

Amanda: This is crazy.

Bradley: I know. How can he be a time traveler and an alien and a cyborg?

Zack: No, no, not that. It's just been really quiet around Sara today.

Sara: Well, that's the thing about Murphy's Law; it's unpredictable.

Milo: I've got the immediate area cordoned off. Now if you could just try not to... do anything, I'll go get my hazard protection suit out of the car. Do. Not. Lose. Our. Place.

Sara: Milo wait, I brought a spare.

Amanda: So is Time Ape an ape with a clock for a head...

Bradley: ...Or a clock with the body of an ape?

Wally: Ugh! I can't believe you, newbies.

Bradley: What does that make you? Oldbies?

Wally: Time Ape isn't a clock or an ape.

Kris: He's a trans-chronological being.

Wally: (While saying this, a sequence with said characters is shown) You see, while traveling through the space-time continuum, Dr. Zone was sucked through a rift of space-time, where he met... another traveler like himself. But since this being was not from our dimension, his appearance would cause any normal person's head to explode. So, for us to comprehend him, the Time Ape took the form that we now know.

Amanda: Wait, so you're saying that the form that would be easier for us to comprehend is an ape with a clock for a head?

Wally: Would you want your head to explode? Would you?

Amanda: He's right. I'd rather look at an ape with a clock for a head.

Milo: You hear that?

Sara: Yeah, it smells quiet.

Milo: Too quiet. No disaster yet means there's a bigger disaster coming.

Sara: That's not necessarily true but...

Milo: Time to be proactive. Sara, why don't you wait near that really... cool dirt parking lot, and I'll call when it's time to go into the movie. K?

Sara: Or... I could get us some snacks?

Milo: *Gasp* Pistachios! That's Dr. Zone's favorite nut! You guys save our place.

Wally: ...Of course, that's just a theory but... if you direct your attention to this authoritative guide...

Bradley: The Dr. Zone Files, Files.

Amanda: Repetitive redundancy. Nice.

(Amanda reaches out to touch the guide but Wally and Kris slap her hand away)

Kris: Vintage!

(Milo and Sara walk up to the stand)

Sara: Great costumes guys!

Savannah: Costumes?

Milo: One bag of pistachios, please.

Brick: It's pronounced pistachio.

Savannah: That's how he said it.

Brick: Don't speak to the customers.

Savannah: I wasn't speaking to customers. I was speaking to you. You were speaking to customers.

Brick: Well one of us has to speak to the customers, but it shouldn't be you.

(A pistachio knocks over a string of things that eventually dump a full bag of pistachios and flaming oil into the broiler of their stand as they speak)

Savannah: Uh oh. Looks like something got jammed in that broiler.

(The entire stand rockets into the sky leaving all present covered in ash)

Brick: You did that.

Savannah: I was just standing there not talking to customers, but wow!

Milo: Maybe that was it, Sara. No more catastrophes today.

Sara: Um, maybe.

Milo: You guys ok? (Savannah and Brick are nowhere to be seen) Weird. They just disappeared.

Sara: Or did they...

Milo and Sara: Bum, bum, buuum!

Milo: The end. Question mark.

(Back with Amanda and Bradley)

Bradley: ...Or Dr. Zone's mom knew that like their planet was going to explode.

Wally: Implode.

Bradley: Right. (Sequence depicting said theory is shown) So she wrapped her babies in one of those blankets that babies are always escaping exploding planets in. But the getaway rocket only had room for one baby. So, the other baby was caught in the implosion and sucked into a time vortex that turned him into a trans-chronological being, whose appearance would make our heads explode.

Amanda: So, when he turned into the Time Ape it's because he was already a Time Ape before.

Bradley: Exactly.

Amanda: Oh see, that would make more sense.

Bradley: And therefore, Time Ape would be Dr. Zone's brother!

Wally: Now that is ridiculous.

Kris: No.

Amanda: How was that more ridiculous than your theory?

Wally: If Dr. Zone and the Time Ape were brothers, I would have figured it out by now.

(Wally gets into a Zone-Monkey fighting stance)

Bradley: What is he doing?

Amanda: I don't know. I'm really tired.

Milo: Hey wow, wow, watch where you're pointing that Zone-Monkey fighting stance.

Kris: These posers don't deserve to be here. Newbies!

(The other fans closing in on Amanda and Bradley)

Milo: Now just wait a minute. (Milo puts down the tickets and her hazard protection suit and jumps on top of a trash can) Enough! Newbies, oldbies, lend me your ears. (A fan hands her his fake alien ears) Oh. No, not literally. Nobody gets to define the parameters of what it means to be a fan. We're not just fans of fantasy. It's more than that. It's about what fantasy means to each of us. Fantasy means... um...

Sara: (Sara gets on the trash can next to Sara) Fantaso. From the Greek which means "to show".

Milo: Exactly. We're here today to show our love. Because there's nothing better than sharing something you love... (The flashback of Milo dropping her ice cream plays again and continues on, showing Sara offering an extra spoon to Milo so that he can share his ice cream) ...with someone you love.

Dr. Zone Fan 2: Aww, I was so closed minded.

Dr. Zone Fan 3: Naww, yeah. That's lovely.

(The Dr. Zone fans applaud)

Bertram: Can you guys wrap it up?

(They find that the trash can they'd jumped onto is actually Bertram's costume)

Milo: Oh sorry Bertram, I didn't see you there. Nice Trashcan-droid costume.

Bertram: Thanks.

Theatre Ticket Collector: Tickets, please.

(Milo checks her pockets and flashes back to just before her speech)

Milo: "Hey. Now just wait a minute. (Milo placed the tickets and her hazard protection suit head gear on a stopped car that then drives away) Enough!"

(Milo realizes what happened)

Milo: I lost the tickets while I was doing my inspirational speech.

(The other fans gasp collectively and then pass by with little care as they head into the movie without him)

Dr. Zone Fan 4: Ugk, doesn't sound like your day

Dr. Zone Fan 5: You snooze, you lose.

Dr. Zone Fan 6: Coming through.

Dr. Zone Fan 7: That's why I bought four extra.

(The Ticket Collector shuts the door, leaving Milo, Sara, Bradley, and Amanda outside alone)

Milo: It was all my fault. I was so worried about Murphy's Law messing things up...

Sara: Maybe next time I just won't come.

Milo: I hate that idea.

Sara: I hate that idea too.

Milo: I've already got enough excitement in my life anyway. After all, I saw a train come through our backyard.

Sara: But what about the movie?

Milo: Eh. Seeing a movie on opening day is overrated. (The pistachio stand falls from the sky and destroys the wall of the theatre just in front of them) Also clearly very dangerous.

(Sara gets out a mat and lays it down in the gap in the wall so they can watch the movie. Milo sits down on her backpack and Sara sits down on his a little way away from him)

Sara: Just in case.

Milo: Nope. (Milo grabs her backpack and drags her next to him on the mat) Much better.

Dr. Zone: Well Time Ape, once again we've had the time of our lives. After all, time is relative. (He and Time Ape produce the two halves of the ripped photograph. They then place them together, revealing a baby Dr. Zone and baby Time Ape on the lap of their mom.) Hmm.

Wally: They are brothers. He was right! Newbie!

Theatre: Newbie! Newbie! Newbie!

(Everyone in the theatre realizes with surprise and confusion that the wall of the theatre is gone)

Dr. Zone Fan 8: What happened to the wall?

Dr. Zone Fan 9: The wall is gone.

Wally: Wow.


	6. The Note (alternate)

(Things open on Sara lugging her backpack off the bus)

Sara: Wow, my backpack sure is heavy today.

Bradley: What you got in there, Osmium? (The others look at her questioningly) You know. The densest element? Periodic table. Boom!

Sara: Actually, it's a doctor's note. The school lets me turn them in in bulk at the end of the month. That way the doctor only has to sign the signature page instead of all the individual excuses. Bradley keeps a record of all my adventures, so it makes it easier to catalog.

Amanda: You keep a record?

Bradley: Yeah, on my phone. The kangaroos, the tangerine fight at Mardi gras, the asteroid...

Sara: The Llama Incident.

Amanda: Wait, so you've been taking pictures this... (Sees Bradley's phone) Holy cow!

Bradley: Yep, Sara gets around.

Amanda: How long is your selfie stick?

Sara: Anyway, I've got to turn these bad boys in today or else I have a month of unexcused absences and…

Scott: Stop. (His stop sign turns around to reveal the word "Sara" on the other side) Sara.

Sara: Hi Scott.

Amanda: How do you stop people who aren't named Sara?

Scott: I don't turn the sign around.

Amanda/Sara/Bradley: Ooooooh.

Scott: Besides, there's only one person in this town I need to stop and her middle name is "danger".

Amanda: Is that true?

Bradley: *Tch* No. It's pronounced "Dahn-ziay".

Sara: It's my grandmother's maiden name.

Scott: Enough. You have to do what I say, and as the duly appointed public Safety Czar, it is my job...

Amanda: Um, your badge says volunteer crossing guard.

Bradley: And this one says ask me about my strawberry waffle supreme.

Scott: They're quite tasty and they're half price this week!

Sara: Well, as delicious as that sounds Scott, we have to go to school.

Scott: I have my eye on you Murphy, and I never rest. In fact, I sleep with this stop sign.

Amanda: If you never rest how do you sleep?

Scott: Very restlessly.

Amanda/Sara/Bradley: Oooooooh.

(A truck rushes past and the signature page to Sara's doctor's note is blown off above a tree)

Sara: Aaaaahh!

Amanda/Bradley: Aaaaaaahh!

Citizen: Aaaaaahhaaaahh! (Examines a painting of the scream) There's a water bug on the back of this.

Amanda: Without that signature page, you'll have a month of unexcused absences.

Sara: Holy cow! I'm going to have to repeat the seventh grade.

Bradley: Don't worry Sara, we'll help you find that note.

Amanda: But how? This is ridiculous. I mean, that note could be... oh there it is.

Sara: I'll get it.

(Sara reaches down to retrieve the note from the gutter but it is whisked away by the wheels of a passing group of cyclists)

Bradley: Murphy's Law. Boom!

Amanda: Are you going to be saying that a lot?

Bradley: I'm thinking about it.

Sara: After that note!

Scott: I'm watching you, Sara!

(A student walks up to Scott)

Student: So, strawberry waffle?

Scott: *sigh*. They're quite tasty and half price this week.

(Sara, Amanda, and Bradley runs after the note)

Sara: Hey biker gang, come back!

Bradley: I don't think you'd call them a gang.

Sara: What's a group of bikers then, a gaggle?

Amanda: I think it's a pod.

Bradley: No that's whales.

(The note flies out of the bikers)

Amanda: Oh, there it is! I got it. I got it. (Amanda runs towards the note but it is snagged by a spy drone) What the?

Sara: What was that?

Amanda: It looks like some kind of spy drone.

(Some men in suits and shaded glasses look at the doctor's note obscuring one of the screens in front of them)

Lead Officer: What the devil, is that a doctor's note? Lieutenant, did you take a short cut through the Murphy sector?

Lieutenant: I'm sorry sir. I just wanted to see if my brother in law was using my lawn mower again.

Lead Officer: Well... was he?

Lieutenant: Yeah, I got a shot of it.

Lead Officer: Ugk! That makes me so mad!

(The spy drone brushes through the top of a tree and the doctor's note comes free. Sara tries to grab it but runs into a garbage can)

Sara: Oh great, I'm covered in garbage again.

(The others try to grab it but it is blown away and ends up flying through a window at the top of an office building)

Bradley: (out of breath) Sara, wouldn't it be easier to get your doctor to sign a new one.

Sara: It's Tuesday. He's playing golf somewhere. We'd never find him.

(It zooms in on some golfers in the background)

Eugene: Excuse me, you're not a doctor, are you?

Fernando: Nope.

Sara: One, two, three, four, five... It... It's on the seventh floor. Come on.

(They climb to the seventh floor and find an office covered with piles of paper)

Sara: Oh no, there's paper everywhere.

Amanda: I guess they haven't gone digital yet.

Sara: My note could be anywhere.

Bradley: We'll find it. Come on, let's split up.

(They methodically check the entire floor. Finally, Sara sees the note as someone puts a cup of coffee on it)

Sara: Excuse me. Ma'am. But would you mind lifting up your coffee cup, please? (The office worker lifts up her coffee cup) Thank you.

Office worker #1: Oh my gosh. (Picks up the note) This coffee stain is a perfect likeness of Franklin Eugene Austin, inventor of the ant farm.

Office worker #2: It's a miracle!

Office worker #1: I bet it has healing powers.

(The office cubicle is flooded with workers that want to see the note)

Sara: That's my doctor's... no!

(The note is blown out an open window by a newly turned on fan)

Amanda: Seriously?

Office worker #3: What? It was getting stuffy in here.

(The gang move to the window)

Amanda: I don't believe it. It's a ticker-tape parade. You're sure you can't get your doctor to sign a new note?

Sara: I told you there's no way to find him.

(It zooms in on the golfers in the background… again)

Fernando: Are you a doctor?

Eugene: No.

(Back in the office building)

Amanda: That's it. It's over.

Bradley: No it's not over! When we signed up to be Sara's friend, we knew it wouldn't be easy.

Amanda: I don't remember signing anything.

Bradley: So, are we going to find that note!

Sara: That's a good question.

Amanda: You're supposed to say yes, Sara.

Sara: Well then, yes.

Bradley: That's the spirit.

(Meanwhile, the astronaut Captain Wilson is sitting on the back of a car that's driving through the parade)

Bodyguard #1: You alright up there, sir?

Wilson: I'm doing great! You know what? I'd love a hamburger. They don't have hamburgers in space.

Sara: The parade must be for that astronaut.

Janitor: Oh, it's not for that astronaut. This parade is celebrating the one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of ticker-tape parades.

Bradley: Then what's the astronaut for?

Janitor: They're just giving him a ride somewhere. Very slowly because he likes to sit up there.

(Diogee emerges from the crowd as Amanda spots the note stuck to Wilson's back)

Amanda: *gasp* The astronaut's back!

Sara: Yes, I know he's back. We all just saw him.

Amanda: No, I mean the...

(Diogee interrupts with a bark)

Sara: Excuse me for a second Amanda. What is it, boy?

(Diogee barks and points at Wilson)

Sara: Hey everybody! Diogee found the note! It's on the astronauts back!

Amanda: Eh, fine.

Sara: Hey! Mr. Astronaut! Hey! Hey! (Sara starts banging on the car) Can you hear me? Hey! Can you hear me?

(Wilson flashes back to when he was in space banging on the window of a space station)

Wilson: Hey! Hey! Can you hear me? Hey! Can you hear me?

(Larry is seen rocking out as he listens to his headphones inside the space station)

Amanda: (_Chop, Chop, Chop, Chop away at my heart. Feel it fall..._)

Wilson: Larry, open the door! I'm running out of air out here!

(The Flashback ends)

Wilson: I... never... should have given him those headphones!

(The spy drone is shown watching the parade)

Lead Officer: Uh oh, Wilson is losing it. We can't have him freaking out in front of all those people. Use the disintegration ray.

(A man in black aims the disintegration ray out the window)

Lieutenant: Uh, sir? We could just drive him out of the parade. He'll be fine once he gets his hamburger.

Lead Officer: You're right Lieutenant. Ugh, and to think of all the parade astronauts that I've unnecessarily disintegrated. Stand down, soldier.

(Man in black lowers the disintegration ray disappointedly)

Bodyguard #2: Don't worry sir, we'll get you that hamburger soon.

Wilson: Awesome. 'Cause they don't have hamburgers in space.

(The note detaches from Wilson's back)

Sara: There! I got it! I got it! I got it!

Amanda: Sara, look out!

(Amanda holds Sara's backpack as the note gets swept up by a street sweeper)

Sara: Oh well, have fun in high school guys.

Bradley: No! You know the middle school code. No one gets left behind. Boom!

Amanda: That's right! I'm going after it!

(Amanda runs after it and promptly smacks right into the back of it)

Amanda: Ah! Wow, that's going a lot slower than I thought.

Bradley: After that slow-moving street sweeper!

(They arrive at a recycling center and find piles of rubbish everywhere)

Bradley: Ok. Could be worse.

Amanda: How? How could this be worse?

Bradley: Eh, you could accidentally get your head caught in a helicopter door that flies you out over the ocean where it drops you straight into a pod of ravenous orca that rips you apart, leaving nothing but your bones for the hungry crabs in the inky depths at the bottom of the ocean!

Amanda: Wow... I mean...

Sara: Yeah, I'm... I'm not sure how to respond to that.

Bradley: Aw come on you babies.

Singer: _I know you've heard it all before like when I told you that the dog ate my homework. Or when I left it in my other pants and then they went in the wash. Oh yeah. And I know this story isn't easy to accept. But the power went out and so I overslept. I had a million good excuses. Now they're gone, we'll have to cope with the loss. Yeah, yeah, yeah (I got no) No explanation (I got no) No validation (I got no) No Justification. I'm just useless baby (I got no) No mitigation (I got no) No confirmation No documentation No excuses baby, today._

Bradley: Sara, I see it.

(Bradley jumps down onto a conveyer belt)

Sara: That's great.

Bradley: My foot is stuck. And I'm about to be shredded and recycled!

Sara: Oh no, that's not great. The being shredded part, not the recycling part because recycling is an important way to...

Bradley: Sara!

Sara: Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. On my way! (Sara jumps on a crate hanging from a rope) Here I come Bradley. Don't worry I'm... Yaaahh! (The rope holding up Sara's create snaps. Sara falls on a rising platform and is carried away) I'll get there. Don't worry.

Bradley: I'm worrying.

Sara: You know I bet that whole thing with the helicopters and the orcas are looking pretty good right now.

(The chain from which Sara's platform is being lifted snaps and the platform dumps Sara and knocks a segment of a pipe into the shredder that Bradley is heading for, stopping the machine and the conveyer belt, giving Bradley enough time to get his shoe unstuck)

Amanda: Ok. That was kinda awesome.

Bradley: Doctor's note, Boom!]

Amanda: Bradley, you got the note!

Sara: Please excuse... Tyler Sunderguard? This isn't my note. Who's Tyler Sunderguard?

Tyler: Oh great! You found my doctor's note. Thanks.

Bradley lookalike: Bam!

Tyler: Well, I... I guess we're gonna be going.

Sara: Yeah, us too. Um.

Sara/Tyler: Bye.

Bradley: Hey.

Bradley lookalike: Hey.

Amanda: Hey.

Amanda lookalike: Hey.

Diogee: *Bark*

Pee-eye-gee: *Oink*

Sara: Diogee, where'd you get this?

(Sara grabs her doctor's note from Diogee)

Amanda: Hey, it's your doctor's note!

Sara: Life has a strange way of working out. Good boy Diogee.

(They make it back to the school crossing)

Sara: Well, we have plenty of time to turn in these doctor's no...

Scott: Stop! (He thumbs the button to turn around the sign but nothing happens) Hang on a second, this was... this was just working.

Bradley: We're just trying to get to school! Why can't you leave us alone!

Scott: Because Sara is a danger to this town, and I'm going to protect it from her. I'm like the wind! I'm everywhere and nowhere! You're never going to see me c...

(While the gang exchange glances at each other, Scott gets struck by a ray and vanishes)

Amanda: Ok wow. That was impressive.

Bradley: Yeah, I... I don't know how you did that Scott. But we're going to go to school now, so, see you tomorrow, okay.

Wolinsky: Sorry sir. I thought...

Lead Officer: Oh, please tell me we have a reintegration ray.

Wolinsky: Yes sir. I just flip this switch, sir.

(Scott reintegrates onto of a pile of astronauts)

Scott: Wait a minute. What just happened?

Astronaut: The last thing I remembered I was in a parade.

(It zooms in on the golfers in the background… again… again)

Eugene: Listen, I have a confession to make.

Fernando: Yeah, what?

Eugene: I... am a doctor.

Fernando: You...? Why didn't you just tell me the truth?

Eugene: I wanted you to like me for who I am.

Fernando: Well it totally worked.


	7. Party of Peril (alternate)

(The scene is Happy Bear Ice Cream. A large truck is leaving. Cuts to another truck being loaded)

Truck driver: (On the phone) Yeah, it's a truckload of ice cream. What's the worst that could happen?

(Cuts to a cake factory. A truck is parked outside)

Truck driver: (On the phone) Yeah, the cake's all loaded up. We'll be there. What's the worst that could happen?

(Cuts to an airport. Boxes of TNT are being loaded onto a plane.)

Pilot: (on the phone) Yeah, we're loading the dynamite onto the plane now. What's the worst that could happen?

(Pan over to the school. Within, Sara attempts to use a water fountain that knocks her over with a jet of water. Bradley and Amanda look on)

Sara: No problem. I've got a dry change of clothes in my locker. Yelp! (Sara slips in the water) See you in a bit. (Sara walks off)

Bradley: So, tomorrow is Sara's birthday.

Amanda: Is she having a party?

Bradley: Probably not. The last time she did, it did not end well.

(A flashback shows a fireman chasing a horse at Sara's house with all the emergency services parked outside. Two helicopters hover overhead)

Fireman: (as the horse runs and whinnies) Whoa there! Whoa there! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

(The house explodes with confetti as paramedics load a moaning clown onto an ambulance. The flashback ends)

Bradley: After that, they only invited immediate family and... Me.

Amanda: Well, that's sad. Doesn't she miss having a big birthday party?

(Bradley's phone rings. He answers, opening a video chat)

Bradley: Hi, Mrs. Murphy.

Brigette: Hi, honey. Uh, do you think we should invite Amanda tomorrow? And if so, does she have proper coverage?

Bradley: She's right here. (Tips the phone to show Amanda)

Amanda: Hi, Sara's mom! I overheard, and I'm fully insured. Um, just a thought, but is it okay if we invite some kids from school? It could be a surprise.

Brigette: Hmm. Let's check with Martin. He's still at work. (Martin is added to the chat) Hi, dear! Bradley and Amanda were thinking of a surprise party for Sara tomorrow. How's our liability coverage?

Martin: Oh, better idea; not in our home. We could do it at Play Park.

Amanda: Yeah, the go-cart track!

Martin: It'll be perfect. (Things drop onto him from above) They already have all the party supplies, fire extinguishers, helmets, first aid kits —

Brigette: Plus, they're fully insured.

Bradley: So, we can invite people?

Brigette: Sure.

Amanda: Great! Surprise party!

Martin: We'll have to keep him busy all afternoon so he doesn't suspect.

Bradley: We'll handle that. See you tomorrow. (The water fountain partially dislodges from the wall, spraying water) That's weird, nobody pressed the button. (The water fountain falls off the wall, and a water jet knocks over a student. Sara arrives shortly after in her usual clothes) Oh. Hey, Sara.

Sara: Hey, guys. (Sara stops the water pipe)

Bradley: Did you change?

Sara: Yeah, this one's all dry. I have, like, thirty of these.

(Bradley and Amanda hand out invitations to other students outside the front door of the school)

Amanda: (whispering) Surprise party for Sara.

(Bradley is approaching two girls on bleachers)

Bradley: (whispering) Surprise party for Sara.

(Amanda is approaching a basketball player)

Amanda: (whispering) Surprise party for Sara.

(Amanda and Bradley are in the hallway)

Amanda: (whispering) Surprise party for Sara.

Bradley: (whispering) Surprise party for Sara.

(Amanda and Chad are scuba-diving)

Chad: Won't it be dangerous?

Amanda: You're a hundred feet underwater right now, swimming with eels.

Chad: What's your point?

(Cut to a house overburdened with wind-chimes)

Bradley: So Joni, you coming to Sara's party?

Joni: As long as your dad's there. He's a paramedic, right?

Bradley: Right. (They shake hands)

(Cut to a bungee-jumping platform on a high bridge. Amanda, Lydia, some other students, and an instructor are there)

Amanda: Surprise party for Sara?

Lydia: I don't know. My risk tolerance only goes so high. Waaaaaahh! (Jumps off)

Amanda: We'll all be wearing helmets. It'll be fun.

Casey: Ok, we're in. Waaaaahh! (The other students on the platform jump off)

Instructor: I like parties.

(Amanda looks away awkwardly)

(Cut back to a room within the school. Zack is organizing the yearbook. A student is presenting him with a sample page)

Zack: The border on this photo is a millimeter thicker on the left than on the right. You have a split infinitive in the caption. (The other student goes away; she turns back to Bradley) I don't know, Bradley. Things get sort of messy around Sara. You know how I like order.

Bradley: (looking in a book) I understand, Zack. I'm trying to figure out the streamer situation. But I guess it doesn't matter if there's really a cohesive color scheme, and the balloons I'm ordering are all different sizes and shapes, (Zack starts to panic) but I can't imagine that it's going to be a problem really, you know —

Zack: Alright, I'll organize it! "Cohesive color scheme doesn't matter." Don't think I don't know what you just did.

(Cut to Sara working on the roof of her house. Bradley approaches with his arm in a sling)

Bradley: Yo Sara, what's up?

Sara: Hey, Bradley. Just installed the new asteroid early warning system. (Takes off her goggles) Oh, what's with the arm?

Bradley: Sprained it. (Sara slides down the ladder) Problem is my dad has an important package to be picked up at the mall. I can't do it with this arm. (Puts on her doe eyes and bats them) I know it's your birthday and all, but any chance you could pick it up and drop it off at this address? (Hands Sara a slip)

Sara: (taking it) Sure. Be happy to help. (They enter the house) Think of all the times you helped me when I had a sprained arm. Or leg. (A lamp on the wall falls out) Or... spleen. (They exit through the front door) Or tongue, or finger...

Bradley: Twice.

Sara: (goes to his bike) Or clavicle, or rib-cage, or metatarsal...

(Sara mounts her bike)

Bradley: Thanks, Sara.

Sara: No problem.

(Sara rides off, and Amanda emerges from the bushes. Bradley removes his splint)

Amanda: Nice acting job.

Bradley: I had to bust out the doe eyes. (Does her doe eyes) Use only in case of emergency. And don't think just because I'm a boy I can't do it.

Amanda: Okay. But, what if she shows up too early for the party?

Bradley: I'm way ahead of ya. Remember Scott, the crossing guard? (Rings his phone)

(Cut to a crosswalk, where Scott is acting as a crossing-guard)

Scott: Be sure to watch your step. And I mean that in two ways. I mean watch your step, and, watch your step. (His phone rings) Scott here.

Bradley: Is this Scott, who monitors local safety violations?

Scott: Well, "safety first" is certainly one of my six safety-related mottoes.

Bradley: I'd like to report a violation. I just saw Sara Murphy's bike, and the back wheel is a definite safety hazard. It might fly off any second.

Scott: You had me at Sara Murphy's bike. (Hangs up) You're on my radar, Sara Murphy. (Looks at his radar, on which is one dot which splits into dozens of little dots) Oh, wait, no. That's a flock of birds. Wait, wait. There! Now you're on my radar, Sara Murphy.

(Cut to Sara riding, dodging obstacles that fly towards her. Scott stops her)

Scott: Stop! (Turns his sign around) Sara.

Sara: Scott. You might wanna duck.

Scott: (Scott ducks as he looks out for dangers) huh! Mm. Mm. Mm.

Sara: No. I, I mean you might want this duck. (Sara produces a duck from her backpack) I found him wondering in traffic earlier and I… you know… I figured, with you being the crossing guard —

Scott: Safety czar!

Sara: — safety czar, you might be able to get him somewhere safe.

Scott: (pauses and looks around) Well, there is a little pond right over there. (Scott grabs the duck) Don't move! Do not go anywhere!

(Scott slowly backs away and carefully puts the duck down while looking at Sara, giving him the "I'm watching you" gesture. The duck quacks at him aggressively and then proceeds to chase him around. Scott screams and yelps as it does. After a few seconds of this, he falls into the pond, and the duck pursues. He climbs out of the pond with the duck jumping on him. He gets the duck off him and scrambles away. The duck peacefully returns to the water, and Scott storms back over to Sara)

Scott: I have reason to believe your vehicle might be unsafe. I'm going to have to inspect it.

Sara: Okay, but you might wanna duck first.

Scott: Don't be ridiculous. You couldn't possibly have another duck back — uh! (Scott is knocked over by a tire being carried by helicopter)

Sara: No I meant because of the tire.

Scott: Just for that, Murphy, you're getting the full inspection. (Produces a clipboard)

Sara: Well, I did my own inspection this morning, but I guess you can never be too safe.

Scott: Oh yes you can… not be too safe. (Starts inspecting)

Sara: Do I have to remove my shoes?

(Cut to the Play Park Go-Kart Fun Track.)

Martin: This is perfect. The track makes everyone wear helmets and fireproof jumpsuits.

Brigette: Oh, great. For once we won't look out of place. (Puts on a helmet)

(Some students arrive with more party supplies.)

Martin: Ah, (puts on a helmet) thanks for helping us set up, guys. Time for our checklist. Fire-retardant netting? Check. Radiation screens? Check. Glow-in-the-dark t-shirts in case of power outage? Check. Let's get to work.

(Cut back to Scott and Sara)

Scott: Alright, Ms. Murphy, you passed. Barely.

Sara: Hey, cool. See ya. (Rides off)

Scott: Straighten that helmet! I've got my super safety senses trained on you from now on! And I mean that two ways! Actually, it's just one. (The duck attacks him again; he screams)

(Cut back to the go-kart track)

Zack: Your party planner has arrived with the bubble machine. Chaos is over. Order begins. You, cards on every table, color-coded by age, gender and cake preference. You with the funny hair, these banners should be all five feet from the ground. You, nail-biter, make sure all the utensils are parallel to each other. Step to it, people!

Martin: (dragging in a pile of mattresses) And we brought mattresses to hide under in case of falling debris.

Brigette: Plus, we can wrap ourselves in them for duck attacks.

(Cut to the mall. Sara arrives and is handed a package at a window)

Sara: Wow that was convenient. All malls should have drive-through windows.

(Sara continues up a hill, dodging bins, ball bearings, and slinkies)

Sara: Hmm. Kind of a light day.

(Cut back to the go-kart track. Zack holds a remote-control)

Zack: Okay, everyone. Clear the perimeter. And Murphy's Law countermeasures engaged.

(He pushes the button. Sensors deploy around the perimeter, and an alarm sounds)

Milo: She's a block away, t-minus twenty seconds. Roll in the decoy!

(Two students place a fake sign over Play Park's actual sign and then dive into a nearby bush.)

Kris: I'm planning on staying in this bush the whole party. Zack scares me.

(Sara rides up)

Sara: (reading a slip of paper) "Industrial Industries, serving the industrial needs of industry for over fifty years." This looks like the place.

(Sara enters and finds all her friends waiting for her)

Everyone: Happy Birthday, Sara! (They cheer; noise-makers sound)

Natalie: I like cheering!

Sara: Wow, you guys! A real birthday party?

Bradley: Got ya. (Fist-bumps Sara)

Sara: You used the doe eyes.

Amanda: And they've got go-karts! They're karts that go!

(Everyone races to the go-kart track. "I Gotta Go" begins)

Sara: This is great, you guys. Let's go!

(They race in the go-karts)

Singers: _Well I've got no time for trivial things. Gotta get up and get out into the world. Find a spot in the manner of kings. Gonna blow into the city in a whirl. I gotta go. (Goooo!) _

(Alex spins out on some oil that comes out of Amanda's go-cart and lands on a pile of sandbags to the side of the track)

Alex: Okay!

Singers: _Oh, I'm Mister Go. (Gooooo!) They call me Mister Go. (Instrumental bridge)._

(A loose screw from Sara's go-kart hits the helmet of Joni and distracts him long enough for him to lose control of his go-kart. A wheel from his go-cart breaks off and flies into the protective netting. Zack, who is watching, gives the thumbs-up. It is catapulted out of the Play Park. The wheel then knocks over Scott. He screams. Meanwhile, the party-goers continue racing.)

Singer: _Oh, but you know I gotta go. (Goooo!) Gotta get gone Getty gone, gone. (Gooooooooo!) _

(A billboard becomes loose and falls on the track, being propped up by the barrier. Sara, Amanda, and Bradley fly up it and out of the go-cart track, landing on a table. This launches Zack's bubble machine and some balloons into the air. "I Gotta Go" ends)

Sara: (as she, Bradley, and Amanda get out of their karts) Did you see that? That was awesome!

Bradley: Uh oh. I think that was Zack's bubble machine.

Amanda: And we have all of our limbs! Well, except for One-Arm Willie.

One-Arm Willie: It's a nickname. I have both my arms. I am missing one leg though.

(Cut to the "Happy Bear Ice Cream" truck on the road, then to the "Cake" truck...)

(...Then to the plane hauling dynamite...)

(...Then the bubble machine lands on the road)

(Cut back to the party. The students all chant for cake as they hold up plastic screens between them and Sara)

Students: Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!

Amanda: Sara and candles. Can't be too careful.

Brigette: (to Martin) I'm afraid we have a problem dear. Diogee got into the cake and ice cream.

(A chubby Diogee among the remains of the cake and ice cream looks at them, full of guilt)

Brigette: Sorry, Sara. The cake got ruined.

Sara: Though cake and ice cream would have been nice, I already got my wish. (Cut to the balloons ascending toward the plane) I had a birthday party, and nothing went horribly wrong.

Pilot: Ooh, balloons!

(The pilot accidentally leans on a lever opening the cargo bay door, and all the dynamite falls out of the plane)

The driver of the ice cream truck: (as he drives through the bubbles) Huh? Whoa. Yah!

(The truck swerves off the road and launches its cargo high into the air.)

Truck driver #2: Oh no, duck! Yea, ugh! (The cake delivery truck swerves to avoid a family of ducks crossing the road and stops on an unfinished overpass, launching cakes into the air)

(The dynamite, ice cream and cake all collide and create a large explosion right above Play Park. The students all look up in wonder.)

Sara: This is the best birthday ever!

(Everyone is quickly covered in falling ice cream and cake)

Sara: Ice cream and cake? Correction! This is better than the best birthday ever!

(Everyone cheers, but they are soon interrupted. They run away screaming as the duck family attacks)

Martin: Quick, everyone wrap yourselves in mattresses!


	8. Smooth Opera-tor (alternate)

(Outside the Opera House)

Amanda: There she is.

Bradley: Hi Sara.

Sara: I can't believe we're getting extra credit just for going to an opera.

Bradley: You ever sit through an opera before? We're earning it.

Sara: Oh! There's Zack.

Amanda: Zack, huh?

Sara: No. No, no. It's just that... he's just someone we know from... school. Ya know? How's my cast?

Bradley: One of your best.

Sara: Excuse me. (Sara eagerly runs over and starts walking next to Zack) Hey Zack.

Zack: Sara? Uh, I mean "Hi Sara" ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What are you doing here?

Sara: Extra credit for Mrs. White's class. You can sit with us, in the center, if you want, I bought an extra seat in case mine got destroyed.

Zack: How would your seat get destroyed?

Bradley: It's best not to speculate.

Zack: Ok. (Zack stops walking) That's why I'm, well, I'm a little nervous. What I love about opera is that it is so well rehearsed and predictable. And the thing is, there's just so much can go wrong... (Zack moves his hand over Sara) in this general area.

Sara: Oh, that. (Sara dismisses her worries with her hand in the cast, which makes a cracking noise. This momentarily stops Sara as he grits his teeth and nurses his cast) Oh, don't worry. Murphy's Law or not - the show must go on! (Sara assumes a dramatic pose with a finger in the air and her looking out into the distance)

Zack: I hope so. Because it's just that I have... (He pauses as Sara continues to look into the distance. Zack eventually touches her cheek to help snap her out of it) Sara?

Sara: Hugh? Oh.

Zack: Because I am using three of my schedule enjoyment hours for this.

Amanda: You schedule your time to enjoy things?

Zack: How else am I going to fit it in?

(Zack hands Amanda his schedule)

Bradley: Wow. Every minute of your day is accounted for.

Amanda: Wednesday from 10:50 to 10:55, peel and eat an orange.

Zack: This opera takes exactly two hours and eleven minutes. Plus I set aside an extra 1.5 minutes for an ovation, just in case, it's really good. My enjoyment hours are very precious to me, nothing can go wrong.

Sara: Don't worry Zack, I'll be there to help.

Zack: Oh that's...great.

Amanda: You realize that you can shave a good three minutes of your orange-pealing time if you switch to tangerines.

Zack: Noted.

(Brick and Savannah stand behind a counter in the opera house foyer)

Savannah: So, what's with the big ugly tie?

Brick: This is an ascot.

Savannah: The last time I wore something that big they brought me a lobster... What I'm saying is that it looks like a lobster bib... When you're in a restaurant and you order a lobster...

Brick: I get it!

Sara: Excuse me, may I have some pistachios, please?

Brick: I'm sorry my good woman, but it seems we're fresh out of pistachios at the moment.

Savannah: Yeah, we're all out.

Sara: But aren't those pistachios right behind you?

(Brick and Savannah look around at the four pistachio dispensers behind them)

Brick: Yes. Well. Uh. You see. Those are... display pistachios.

Savannah: We're not allowed to sell display pistachios.

(Brick produces a gummy bear)

Brick: Wouldn't you prefer a rubbery like woodland creature to chew on instead? Hmm?

(Brick rhythmically squishes the gummy bear in front of Sara)

Sara: Actually, I'd really prefer some pistachios, please.

(Brick continues to look at the gummy bear while he squishes it)

Savannah: I think he's hypnotized himself.

Brick: Fine! I'll give you four.

(Brick starts turning a dispenser wheel clockwise. Savannah grabs the wheel to stop him)

Savannah: It's righty tighty, lefty loosey.

Brick: I know how dispensers work!

Sara: What's the problem? Are you guys new at this?

(Savannah and Brick freeze with fear for a second)

Brick: That's a rather presumptuous accusation!

Savannah: Yeah. It's not like we tied up the guy who usually does this and stashed him in the basement.

(Bob is seen tied up and stashed in the basement. Staff 1 walks by)

Staff 1: Man, that's a long way to go for a night off Bob.

(Bob shrugs)

Savannah: Here, give me a boost, there's got to be a lock or something up here.

(Brick lifts Savannah up so he can reach the top of the dispensers)

Brick: Would you please hurry up.

Savannah: I don't see anything up here... but hey... I think... there's a...

(One of Savannah's feet knocks a dispenser wheel clockwise and pistachios start pouring out)

Brick: Well, what do you know, it's a righty loosey dispenser. Wow, wow, wow.

Savannah: Woooow! Oof!

(Brick slips on the pistachios on the floor and Savannah knocks all the bottoms of the dispensers off as he falls. The stall quickly fills up with pistachios.)

Sara: Oh no! Hold on.

(Sara opens the door to behind the counter and a stream of pistachios knocks him down the nearby stairs to the basement)

Brick: You had one job.

Savannah: Yeah, you had the same job.

(Amanda, Zack, and Bradley are in their seats)

Zack: I think you'll like this opera. It's about a morally conflicted crime boss who's seeing a therapist.

Bradley: Whatever. Extra credit's extra credit. Oh, it sounds like they're ready to start. Where's Sara?

Amanda: I... better go find him.

(Sara emerges from a pile of pistachios in the basement)

Staff 2: We've got pistachios all over the place.

Staff 3: Are you bragging or should I get a broom?

Staff 2: How is that even bragging?

Staff 3: I'll get a broom.

(Staff 3 grabs a broom but knocks over another one in the process, which falls on a lever which raises a platform that Sara is on onto the stage. Sara quickly packs all the pistachios into his suit and runs off stage as the curtains open.)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _How dare a Baritone to come into our deli. He's lucky I don't punch him in the belly…_

(Mr. Mezzo Soprano continues singing in the background as it cuts to backstage where staff 3 stands with staff 2 who's eating a corndog.)

Staff 3: Uh, those lights up there. They seem a little loose to me.

Mr. Mezzo-Soprano: _And as they sing against our wishes…_

Staff 2: Eh, they'll be alright. 'Less someone accidentally leans on that backdrop too hard, to hit that fireman's ax, causing it to fall to the floor, startling that rat, who runs into that lamp, causing it to fall over, knocking into those ties off, causing that rope to come loose.

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _...someone's sleeping with the fishes. We hear you, boss. We hear you, boss…_

Staff 3: Wait a minute. Wow, wow. How could that lamp hit those ropes?

Staff 2: No, no, no. Not that lamp. That lamp and those ropes.

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _And so a Baritone..._

Staff 3: Oh, I see. What about that sandbag over there?

Staff 2: Not important. Anyway, if all that happens, then I suppose you'd have a problem.

Staff 3: Eh. Good enough I guess.

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…And though he walks while I'm talking…_

Staff 2: Or that rope could just slip off because I didn't really tie it very tight.

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…He's not seeing where he's walking…_

(Staff 3 looks over at the corndog Staff 2 is eating)

Staff 3: Say, where'd you get that?

Staff 2: I got a stash in back. Come on.

(They both go off to get more corndogs. The rat watches as the rope slips off and the lights dangle above the actors)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: em…You know that Baritone thinks he's going to tell us…

Sara: Oh! Better make sure those lights don't fall and knock out those actors. That would seriously mess with Zack's enjoyment hours.

(Sara climbs to the walkways above the stage)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: …_I'll box his ears and all he'll hear is ringing. We hear you, boss, yes…_

(Amanda peaks out from behind the scenery to check with Bradley)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: em…We hear you, boss. Yes. You certainly get the point across…

Bradley: Oh no Amanda, look.

(Bradley points and Amanda looks up to find Sara swinging from a free-swinging light, trying to grab the other ones)

Mr. Mezzo Sopranos: _…We'll soak him in spaghetti sauce…_

(Diogee runs past a distracted Amanda onto the stage in an opera Viking helmet)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…Of course! Then he's going to wake up in a hearse?_

(Mr. Mezzo Soprano looks confused at Diogee)

Zack: I don't remember this opera having a dog in it.

Sara: Diogee... Go home.

(Diogee turns and leaves. Sara manages to grab hold of all the lights.)

Zack: This is different than the last time I saw it.

Bradley: (Bradley takes a deep breath) Deep cleansing breath.

Zack: Don't you yoga me!

Baritone 1: He's singing on our turf. You know I think he wants to fight us

Baritone 2: If he doesn't watch his step I'm gonna give him laryngitis

Baritone 3: It was just a minor stanza. We're not going to…

Amanda: Sara, what are you doing?

Sara: I'm making sure nothing goes wrong back here.

Sara: Zack's scheduled enjoyment hours don't just grow on trees you know. She only has two hours twelve minutes and changes if there's an ovation.

Amanda: Yeah. I think that ovation ship may have sailed.

Sara: I just hope nothing else goes wrong.

(A broom slips, knocking over a ladder, which breaks a fire extinguisher off the wall, which shoots off towards the stage)

Amanda: And that ship is sailing right now.

Baritone 4: He'll be sleeping with a mackerel.

(The fire extinguisher crosses the stage and startles two actresses in the other wing. The cast continues to sing as pieces of scenery and the fire extinguisher flies around them.)

Actress 1: Aaah!

Actress 2: Ah!

Baritones: This is war.

Baritone 3: That's not your call to make.

Baritones: A music war.

Baritone 3: This is a big mistake.

Baritones: We're going to war.

A person in a sheet: Aaaah.

Baritone 3: _Why can't you see?!_

Baritones: _A music war._

Baritone 3: _Stop singing over me._

Man in giraffe costume: Aaaaah!

(An actor off stage falls back to avoid the fire extinguisher but inadvertently pushes a lever. A sandbag gets released from the wall.)

Baritones: This is war. A music war.

Sara: Oh no!

(Sara quickly flips a switch that lowers the platform the onstage actors are on into the basement, narrowly missing the sandbag)

Baritones: We can't avoid it any...

(Sara holds the sandbag against the opposite wall with a plank)

Sara: Amanda, flip that switch back.

(Amanda flips a switch and a platform holding Bob, still tied up, raises onto the stage)

Sara: No! The other switch.

(Bob is lowered off stage and the actors rise up again)

Baritones: ...anymore

Sara: Hoo! And no one's the wiser.

(Bradley massages Zack's head)

Bradley: You're a calm blue ocean.

(Sara and Amanda look to the stage as a new scene begins. Mr. Mezzo Soprano is sitting with his therapist)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…That Baritone's a bother. He's not singing in my key. And now I've got this music war. It's such anxiety Oh where..._

Amanda: Hey Sara, look at the chandelier. It's slipping.

Sara: Well that's not good. I'm on it.

(Sara grabs the rope holding up the chandelier as it slips off but she is pulled up with it. A knot in the rope snags on the chandeliers hook on the roof, halting it's decent but leaving Sara swinging around the stage. Sara closes her eyes as he heads right towards a window. But she rips through the backdrop and immediately retires the rope on a nearby notch.)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…It keeps me wide awake at night and gives me panic attacks. So I come here to your office to tell you all my thoughts. There are also issues with my mother!_

Therapist: I'm afraid that's all the time we've got.

(A large section of ventilation ducts falls onto the stage behind the actors)

Sara: Oh boy. That was probably my bad.

(The chandelier rope rips and the backdrop falls over Sara)

Sara: Uh oh.

(The chandelier crashes onto the stage. The Therapist gets up from her chair just before a pillar from a nearby set falls on it. A shade falls off another building as she walks off stage. The orchestra conductor shrugs. Mr. Mezzo Soprano signals him to continue)

Sara: I better get out of here before something else...

(Something else falls on him, pinning him to the ground)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: …_Come on Baritone..._

(The posts holding up the sign saying 'Little Italy' fall over, interrupting the play. The orchestra shortly restart their piece)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…Come on..._

(A glass door falls off a building. The orchestra restarts.)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…Come…_

(A rack of lights falls onto the stage. The orchestra restarts.)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…Come on Bari..._

(Scott runs across the stage while being pursued by a duck)

Scott: Uh. Ah. Aaah! Aaahaa! Oo. Aahaa! Aaah!

(The orchestra restarts)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…Come on Bari..._

(Two buildings collapse in their turn. Mr. Mezzo Soprano checks nothing is happening and then moves to continue. The back screen of the set falls down followed in rapid succession by a stretcher, a log, a person in a canoe, a cat, a tire, a rotary telephone, a shield, a light, a sandbag, a chest, a globe, two old men playing checkers, and a man holding a poodle. Mr. Mezzo Soprano hides his face in his hand as his former seat catches fire. The orchestra restart for the final time.)

(Bradley finds Zack unresponsive due to shock.)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _…Come on Baritone, it's time for a fight. Step out of the shadows and into the light…_

(Sara frees himself)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: ..._That was your cue we haven't got all night…_

Sara: Hey, Mr. Baritone. You're on.

Mr. Baritone: I'm not going out there.

(Mr. Baritone throws off his bandana and leaves. His car can be heard screeching away, leaving Sara aghast)

(Zack croaks as he finds it hard to breathe)

(Sara grabs the bandana)

Sara: The show must go on. (Sara runs onto the stage) _I'm over here!_

(Zack faints)

(Sara moves a fallen pillar out of his way and comes to face Mr. Mezzo Soprano. The two stare at each other for a few seconds.)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _You're slimmer than I remember._

Sara: _It's the physique that I was cursed with._

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _I'll admit that I'm confused. You're not the one that I rehearsed with. I think we've gone off book now, I believe this scene we're botching._

Sara: _But I feel we should go on because there are all these people watchiiiiiiingg..._

(The two take a second to look out at the audience)

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _So I guess that you're a Baritone and now we have to fight. I'm a Mezzo Soprano and it all ends tonight._

Sara: _Actually, you sing between a tenor and a bass. And that makes you a Baritone. Your hostility's misplaced!_

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _Say what!_

Sara: Mezzo Soprano is your family name. But you all sing in baritone. That makes you all the same.

Mr. Mezzo Soprano: _Wait a minute Mezzo Soprano is a family name. But we all sing in baritone. That makes us all the same. You're right!_

(All the cast make their way on stage)

Cast: _Mezzo Soprano is a family name. But we all sing in baritone. That makes us all the same. We are all baritone!_

(A platform rises onto the stage carrying Diogee)

Sara: _Diogee go home!_

(Zack rises in the silent crowd and starts clapping. Bradley follows and soon everyone is applauding. The cast takes a bow. Though some of them have to run off a little early as another building collapses, revealing Staff 2 and Staff 3 eating corndogs)

Bradley: Woooohoooo! That was amazing!

Zack: Bravo! That was surprisingly entertaining. And including the five-minute ovation, it was actually shorter than it usually is, so I've got time for pizza.

Amanda: That sounds like a plan. Let's go.

Zack: Ok. Let's go.

Sara: Who knows what will happen there?

Zack: Don't push it.


End file.
